I have to often ask myself as a single parent. Am I doing everything humanly possible to ensure my daughters achievement in life? Am I emotionally preparing her for success? Am I physically preparing her for success? Are my words going in one ear and out the other, because my actions supersede anything I could possibly say to her? Have I become so engulfed in my own imperfections that teaching her to love herself for exactly who she is has become a minority to my priorities?
Being raised in a household where I was often ignored for more important things (i.e. anything but children), I have found it quite difficult to find a balance of how to raise my child without the overlapping anger from my childhood. While not growing up with both my parents simultaneously, I think I've developed a complex about the rights and wrongs of raising a child.
Yes, I am a single mother. Probably one of the most regretful actions of my entire life might I add. I know we as single women pride ourselves on being independent and holding our own while keeping a household, job, and raising children. Truth be told, are we making things harder for our children by being so I*N*D*E*P*E*N*D*E*N*T...do you know what mean?
I've never made it a priority to include my daughter's father in her life. I felt as though if he didn't want her, then why should I force him? And I can't necessary blame her existence on careless reckless dating tactics, as he and I were together for 2 years before she was even conceived. But honestly I guess I can admit the signs were there. I mean he never did for his first daughter....the one that I often bought clothes for and who's hair I combed within the early months of our dating excursion. Could I have been wiser with my frivolous sex acts? I think so.
But thats neither here nor there...because she is here, and I'm excited to have her...and I am raising her solo. So with that being said, what's next?
I've recently decided to search my own soul for the truth. The hidden self pity and self hatred that I developed when not being told how special I was at the early ages of life. Or maybe when I was not read to or helped with my homework. Can my daughter really expect me to do all these things, when I don't recall them ever being done for me?
Absolutely!
And regardless of what I did or did not have, it is my duty to be that parent to her. That parent that puts my life on hold to ensure she receives any and everything she needs to be successful and confident. See confidence is often overlooked. And this personality additive is actually very important in many of life's expeditions. Confidence is what tells you to walk away from an abusive relationship, or break up with someone who has cheated on you. Confidence is what pushes you closer and closer to your goals everyday of your life. Confidence is the little birdy that says don't do things that will slow you down unless you are ready to be slowed down.
I personally believe that when young girls are given the benefit of having the father consistently in her life, this creates that confidence that even a mother can't necessary give her. You see, a father is an example of what to tolerate or not tolerate from the opposite sex. If a young girl lacks this exposure, its just as bad as being tossed into Lake Michigan BEFORE she's taught to swim. (Very Dangerous).
A growing girl needs to see these good and even bad actions from her father to give her an ideology of expectations. Without this she can find herself searching for an example to follow, leading her down a path of many broken hearts, failed connections, and a loneliness she doesn't understand how to rid herself of.
So basically this rant was to say, you may pride yourself on being a SINGLE mother, but who is it really benefitting? I don't think the child is getting the best possible deal when one parent is deleted from his/her life because the other parent wants to prove her independence. Now if the relationship is abusive or not productive for the child...then that's a completely different thought. But I've seen many women make a mans job very hard to be in his child's life....which benefits no one but the selfish woman.
I am not that woman might I add. My daughter father chooses to omit himself on a continuous basis. And as a mother, I've decided not to embed the thoughts of broken promises in my daughters mind frame. In regards to the men that actually try, give them that right ladies. Its the only appropriate things to do...especially for the child. You are teaching that child responsibility, commitment, forgiveness, and sportsmanship....ALL in one simple act. Acceptance! :)
OK. I guess I'm done being serious. Carry on! :)
