Kony 2012

I donated to this cause today, for several reasons. One of the main ones was because I would have given my lungs, heart, kidney, whatever for my child to live. Therefore I know what it feels like to be helpless. No matter what you do, say, or feel, you can't change the outcome. I am sure the parents of these abducted children experience similar emotions, if not worst.! Watch the video, make a difference. Share, post, change. My donation is in memory of Heaven Alise... R.I.P 11/12/10-02/22/12

Long Time...No Post! :-/

At home, after 10 months of hospitalization 

It's been a while since I've posted. Partly due to the life changing events that has occurred. To sum them up without making you read for the next hour...I had a baby (photo above), she had multiple health conditions,  after 15 months of inspiring the world to be more loving, she passed on to return to Heaven. You can read more about her story at www.heavenalise.com. Its amazing how life just shows up and shows out, when you think you've got everything under control. I strongly believe in my possibilities of success in whatever field I desire, but I don't think I was destined to soar or Blow-up, whatever, at the time when I thought I was ready. After taping Comedy Central in 2010, I found out I was pregnant one month later. This has been my life ever since. Hospital rooms, tests, long road trips from Chicago to indianapolis, Ronald McDonald House living, sleepless nights, and unfinished projects. Its funny though because even in the midst of it all, I never stopped believing in my success...I just started to think of HOW I was going to actually obtain it. I'm too ambitious not to be great at something. Heaven's life taught me more about Love and appreciation than anything I've ever read, learn, heard in the last _ _ years :) Well I'm back, and every thought I want to share...will be right here, in addition to twitter, Facebook, linkedIn, and my website...Lol! So just follow me, some where, anywhere, everywhere!

In tears I write

Sometimes it just hurts so bad.. it burn so deep...

I can't eat.. I can't sleep...
To think I feel so cheap.. So misused.. so mistreated..
My mind is my biggest enemy for it torments my possibilities of happiness
I'm so emotionally exhausted, I just want to be held...WHY WONT ANYBODY HOLD ME

sometimes you're just tired.. sometimes you've had enough..
sometimes you just give up...sometimes it's just too tough.

God please make me better. please heal this pain
please comfort my thought.. keep me from going insane

i can barely see through my blurred vision for my eyes are so swollen, from my heart.. bit and pieces he has stolen

I never should have let him love me... I never should have even cared

i am emotionally dying for I've let myself go..what next is what i ask of you.. i cant see through the tunnel.

I'd like to believe this is God's way of preparing me for something more..
but at this very moment.. all i can see is the other side of this closed door.


its right here.. its so close.. its hurts to even stare. but i cant turn around and go backwards for there's even pain back there..

i just want to go to sleep and pretend he doesn't exist.. i just want to take an extended nap and when i wake pray it wont be of this.

i cant believe I'm here again, in this same place.. same room.. crying angrily, i've been raped willingly!

the ending of this pain is the ending of my life.

Piety Love

You can't just forget my existence.

I was there, you felt me, you thrust inside of me. I exist. I am real.
Though you deleted my profile, and changed my name, blocked request, as I did the same.
I am real. I exist.

You can't delete the memories of my lips exploring your highest pleasure points.
You can't remove the mark I stitched into your soul, with my gentle stokes upon your aching temple.

I am real. I exist.

This. Us. You. Me.
Her. Him. Them. We

It was real! The irreversible, undeniable sensation felt at your finger tips with every notion of my presence.

Dare you desert the soul-ship we've sailed.

Have we failed!

We were assigned to one another to change the unchangeable. To motivate, implicate, and exude sourceless satisfaction to the non-convinced. The Spiritually dense!

Have we failed to complete the energy surge, merged between our bodies.

There's a disconnection that requires immediate attention, for if not the world will suffer.
This unity is the love like buffer, it heals thee. both you and me.

Leave not for I am distraught, but because with we.. He will bless-ed our souls ever more. Lets not end Sore!

It's NOT about ME!

I'm here at this place...All by myself in the physical sense, YET I'VE REALIZED....IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!

The ways of the world, the struggles of peace.
The flaws of the church, the ease of deceit.

IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!

The unfed children, and abused young girls
The imprisoned men, the ways of this world.

IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!

The greed, the sex, the money, the cars.
The hypocrites, the liars, the emotional guards.

IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!

The wars, the fights, and battles of the night
The judicial corruption, and political ties,
The financial obligations, and corporate lies

IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!

Lay down in my thoughts, beneath the soil of my imperfections.
I can change the ways of the world.

God gave me this world and assigned to me to be a finger of his hand that connects to his wrist which connect to his arm, that connects to his shoulder...All being a part of God's body. This world is not about me...

Its about US!

Our connection to spirit as a whole can transform the way of the world.
Every little boy and every little girl.

Every MAN, every WOMAN. Stand proud. For you are an essential part of the spirit, you are the change, you are a piece of me, and I am too a piece of you.

We are the ways of the world...

No Closing for an endless LOVE...

I'm pretending to not care to try and retain my sanity and freedom too.
But reality is at this point the silence is death defying
I'd rather go insane for you.

Just to have you in my life, to know that the essence of our thoughts are connected on some level would balance this scale of confusion.
The rejection I've had to endure from the lack of your being here
has put me in total and irreversible delusion

I'd take the timed medication and sleep in a padded room with no shoestrings in my shoes.
Just to know during visiting hours I'd be graced with the presence of you

The emotional draw I feel is so magnetic, so powerful, so robust,
Enticing, and overwhelming, God grant me the days when life was just US!
The NEW days, and beginning nervous sweats
The first kisses and endless sex

The moments after when lying on your chest
And deep rooted conversations which helped me learn you best.

The "Love is" situational responses and
pauses throughout the day
To just wonder...and ponder...and have intimacy replayed

I promise Lord to protect your angels heart.
I promise to Love you first, then love him so we never grow apart.

Oh baby Your smile, your laugh, your scent
The memories are to intense to bare
Tell me, what do I need to do oh Lord to have him here.

Next to me!!!

You put him in my life, don't take him away,
what needs to be done? what do I need to say?

Guide me, this roller coaster of emotions has become sickening
This silence I've enforce is mentally reckoning.

I have no closing for this can't be the end
I have no closing til I receive that text...Love is....huh?!?! Or be it just a Friend!

Random Rants

OK, I just had the urge to write and filter my thoughts, I've depressed myself with trying not to call or text HIM.

Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm the only person in the world who doesn't have a representative in the initial encounter of new beginnings.

What you see is what you get!

I am VERY thoughtful, sometimes too thoughtful if you ask me.

BE WHO YOU ARE!

Don't try to be thoughtful, because I'm thoughtful, cause when you stop being thoughtful (because its unnatural for you), I have to adjust to NOT receiving this attention.

See maybe I love all of you because I just do.

Maybe its not any particular thing that you did, maybe just your scent is enough to make me love you a lifetime.

Maybe I've realized the imperfections of people, yet I am willing to love you in spite of.

Why do I have to limit the intensity of my love to try and fit your timed expectations.

I am who I am!

See I disagree that Love has to be paced!

YES people change!

But every "REAL" relationship that I've ever been in, that Lasted might I add.... I knew I loved that person within the first week. I KNEW IT!

IN MY HEART.... I KNEW IT!

I am who I am!

Maybe I'm so in tuned with my emotions, that I can filter through whats good for me, and WHO'S NOT!

I am who I am!

Love me for this caring, affectionate, giving, communicative, high energetic, comedic, sexy, over the top being that GOD has made me to be.

Cause I can only be ME....ALL THE TIME!

Just Random thoughts!